Are we experienced in Letting Go?.....I AM.

Ahhhh....letting go.  I thought I knew what letting go was, but have recently experienced how to go about letting something go.  So what does letting go mean to me exactly?  Sounds really simple, I think.  Let go.  Hmmm...let us see.... "Let go of the cookie, Vieve."  Simple.  "Let go of the friend that has been not so good to you."  Hmmm, possibly a little more challenging, but that I can do, and have done...  Check!  "Let go of the emotional baggage you've accumulated over time that doesn't serve you anymore."  ???  Huh....(eyes wide open!)  How on earth do I go about doing that??....

For the longest time I felt as though letting go was an easy concept or idea.  I understood intellectually what it meant but not until I actually experienced what it FELT like to let go, did I really truthfully understand it.  This I have recently experienced, in my body, the feeling of what letting go actually is.  This is where real learning comes forth for me, and this is what I've been living these days.  I'm convinced that unless I EXPERIENCE something, and to experience it for me is to feel it and be in it, will I actually know what the nature of something is.

A few weeks ago, I was blessed to have worked with a group of amazing friends in "communing with the universe" (as I like to call it), and was guided through a process that at the time, I wasn't sure what it meant or the impact it would have on my life in the days that followed.  These days, I like to work on bettering myself through meditation, spiritual work like getting back in touch with the earth and the elements, reaching out to my spirit guides and of course creating in my acting, music and as of late, writing.  So, recently I was blessed to have been a part of this meditational journey, and guided one on one by Maya, one of the healing facilitators and a dear friend who came up to me and gently led me through this process I'm about to share...  Maya, which means 'mother' or 'great one' (by definition of a baby name book!), also means 'illusion' by Hindu definition.  You'll see as I get further into this blog how these two definitions bring this blog to a nice wrap-up! ;)

Maya started working with me pretty early on in the group session and you should know that as soon as this amazing woman and soul puts her arms around me, I feel like I am safe at home.  Immediately after Maya held me in her arms, did I start weeping, then weeping hyperventilating with all my dark eye make-up streaming down my face.  But I didn't care, Maya was working her healing magic and then she asked me, "what do you see."  My thoughts went to a memory I have been carrying around with me for quit some time, a memory that happened when I was about 5 or 6 years old.  It was a memory of me sitting at the window in the kitchen of the house I grew up in in New Jersey.  I was purched up on a stool waiting for my dad to arrive because he said he was going to come and visit me.  My mom and dad were divorced, see.  He lived in New York, where I was born and my mom moved us to New Jersey after the divorse.  Well, I waited by that window all day like a good Capricorn would, at the age of 5 or 6, waiting, knowing, believing that he would be there at any moment.  But, he never showed.  This memory has haunted me for over 20 years and has affected me in ways that perhaps in another blog I will share some day.  I saw this memory and told Maya what I saw as I kept weeping and she gently told me to "keep going" into that memory, and the pain I felt, and so I did.  Out of that memory, my mind went to complete blackness.  In that blackness, I felt an incredible amount of sadness and loneliness and a sense of fear, and wept harder and more uncontrolably.  She ever so gently but firmly instructed me to "stay there" in that place and said "this is the last time you'll have go there, but please, keep going".  I, knowing, loving, and trusting Maya, kept going.  I kept feeling the pain, kept crying, kept going through that blackness.  After minutes of this, I started to see white.  Then, a sense of joy, then happiness, then love, and ecstacy washed over me in this whiteness.  I started to laugh through my weepy tears and then laugh hysterically as a sense of, "Wow!!  There is freedom and light and love on the other side of all this pain, doubt, and fear".  This amazing feeling washed over me.  I innately knew this was the process of releasing, LETTING GO of emotional baggage.  This was something I could DO to release old blockages and this is what I need to do to go about letting go!  It was a-mazing!!!  AMAZING!!

Since then, and actually before this guided meditation, but certainly more so since I felt and understood the importance of this process for me, have I been able to start and sit with myself and look inside of myself whenever fear, or worry or indecision, or even anger come up inside me in order to find out where these emotions are REALLY coming from.  What is the seed level of those dark emotions we all feel?  Yes, those nasty, heavy emotions that like to cling to us if we aren't careful!  I digress, in reality there are only 2 emotions, Love and fear, but we call fear so many other things.  I've learned to sit with the emotion and examine it, and go bravely into it.  Clearly when we are happy and excited or feeling good, that is our divine essence I believe, so there's no need to go deep inside to "figure out" where our happiness and joy come from.  That's a no brainer for me!  But to know and really understand where those darker emotions lurk, and what sparks them, ahhhh....that....that is altogether another journey that ultimately leads to freedom!  I believe.  For me to know where that nasty baggage lives, to know where it's really coming from inside of me, this is the process I have valiantly moved to in order to achive my true freedom.  And so, I do!  And, I AM.      

In conclusion, a mother, a great one, helped me to see through the illusion of a fear, fears, I've held onto, and in that process, I've been able to take myself further into other areas of myself that I've come across where that "fear" has created a space.  And that space is a wasted space for me these days, as I care to move into LOVE and let go, completely, of the fear.  

So friends, I say to you, I let go of the fear of what other people might think about this, my first blog.  I let go of the insecurity that's lurking inside of me for posting such a personal experience to all of whoever wants to read it, and I let go of the desire to be right, or even be liked.  Sharing this is right for ME, (I understand it may not be right for everyone:).  My hope is that other people can take something of what I experienced with them to better their lives or at least plant a seed in a conscious mind that will lead that mind and soul to free themselves up. 

My belief is freedom is attained by means of freeing the mind, spirit and heart.  So...LET FREEDOM RING people!!  It takes a great deal of courage to live the life of a warrior, but, I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Much much love, light and freedom to you all!!

xo
La Vieve...a.k.a.....Genevieve La Court ;)

LOVE, LIGHT, and FREEDOM rule!